your thong is hanging out like whoa
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
