I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
