ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
