Whod you bang
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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