a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
