i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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