i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
