Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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