her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
