remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
