so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Girls should come with a carfax report
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
