i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
