Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
