My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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