5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
