hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
