They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
