The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
