I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
