Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
