Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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