He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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