I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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