I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
