I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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