where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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