Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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