it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
