i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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