My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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