the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
