miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
