I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
