Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
