Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
