Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
