i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
two words...techno handjob
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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