i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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