I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
