I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
