Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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