don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
