This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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