My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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