I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
