Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
