Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
