now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I wish i was in the wii world.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
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