Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
