what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
