I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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