I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
