all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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