I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
